by Jennifer Johnston
Phoenix detail from the Aberdeen Bestiary
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high, and life worth living....
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted....
With these lyrics, and a clear soaring voice to carry them, a 47 year old unprepossessing Scotswoman named Susan Boyle recently leaped into the consciousness of millions of people around the world when she appeared on the "reality" television show Britain's Got Talent. As I watched the brief news report, and then the entire YouTube clip of the performance (with comments before and after), it was hard to tell which was more impressive ... Ms. Boyle's mesmerizing rendition of I Dreamed a Dream from Les Misérables, or seeing the condescending smirks wiped off the faces of judges Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan, both known more for their snarky put-downs than for any genuine gifts of their own.
It was an electrifying moment in a cynical exercise in the format of a "talent show" (not unlike its spin-off America's Got Talent or American Idol) which seems to operate in at least equal parts not only to "discover" and recognize unsung (no pun intended) talent, but to poke fun at and humiliate some who seem already wounded by an all-encompassing desperation for acceptance, as well as delusional thinking concerning the amplitude of their abilities. And let's face it ... if the "humiliation" aspect was not intrinsic to the raison d'être for such shows, the egregiously awful train-wreck contestants could easily be edited out before the program is aired, rather than being subjected to mass ridicule. I won't ... and don't ... watch these shows ... although I do confess to great enjoyment of Dancing With the Stars, The Amazing Race (truly an amazing show, as witnessed by its collection of Emmy Awards) and Survivor (something of a "guilty pleasure").
In her conversation with the sardonic judges before she sang, Ms. Boyle was asked by Cowell why, if she had such a fabulous voice, hadn't she been "discovered" previously? Her answer, almost stunning in its simplicity, delivered crisply in her Scots burr, was: "Well, I haven't been getting m'chance, have I?"
And so it is with many who have diverse talents ... gifts of song or other musical abilities, an innate flair for deftly using words to convey deep thoughts and feelings, brilliance at mathematics and other scientific disciplines. The talent is there ... the gifts are there ... but some who possess them frequently never get their chance to use them.
Sometimes getting a chance means taking a chance, as Ms. Boyle did when she stepped onto that stage. But if taking that chance is to have any meaning, come to any sort of good resolution, it is also helpful (if not mandatory) for one to have the clear-eyed ability to appraise oneself and one's situation, to be one's own judge and sharpest critic, and then to make the dispassionate choice that the time is right and the chance is ripe and worth taking. It seems fairly basic that if you can't hit a clear high C (with or without shattering glass) and perhaps go on to mellifluously roam the thin-air stratosphere above that mark, then no matter how much you dream of it, you're not going to be the next Beverly Sills (soprano) or Luciano Pavarotti (tenor), both of whom soared so effortlessly and incandescently within their respective vocal ranges.
Beverly Sills, photograph by Carl Van Vechten (1956)
In addition to being willing to take chances, those who dream (like Ms. Boyle) must also be aware that there are choices which must be made, coolly weighed and assessed and pondered; that sometimes the better, more rational choice is to defer the vision ... the hope, the belief.... Not abandon, but defer, perhaps even for this lifetime ... until time and conditions are right. Taking a reckless chance without understanding the consequences, leaping without thought to reach for early or immediate gratification, may turn out to be the wrong ... even the killing ... choice.
Without apprehending the karmic necessity of first learning the life lessons of love, compassion, empathy, obligation, duty, honor and sacrifice we may fling ourselves heedlessly off the cliff of want and desire, only to find ourselves and our dreams dashed on the unforgiving and unyielding rocks of reality. Then, like Humpty-Dumpty, we are faced with the daunting task of putting our selves together again, when judiciously waiting for a more propitious moment (like when the tide comes in ... grin) might have preserved not only ourselves but our aspirations.
All of us may not get the chance that we want or need in this life. Our choices and choices made by others in fulfilling their karmic obligations may prevent us from that denouement. Peace and wisdom lie in knowing ... in believing, if you will ... that eventually the time will be right and all will be as it should be; that making the right and necessary choices will one day, one lifetime, put "paid" to the glittering dream.
Kent Nerburn, American author (Small Graces: The Quiet Gifts of Everyday Life, and other books), spiritualist, sculptor, theologian and educator (born in 1946), has said: "Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance and none can say why some fields will blossom while others lay brown beneath the August sun. Care for those around you. Look past your differences. Their dreams are no less than yours, their choices no more easily made. And give, give in any way you can, of whatever you possess. To give is to love. To withhold is to wither. Care less for your harvest than for how it is shared and your life will have meaning and your heart will have peace."
Portrait of Cosette by Emile Bayard
From the original edition of Les Misérables, by Victor Hugo
So let's have another round of applause for the delightful and "different" Susan Boyle ... who dared to dream yet apparently understood that dreams must sometimes be postponed to take care of elderly parents, to complete one's karmic obligations to the past and the present, to learn necessary life lessons, perhaps to know herself more completely ... before she would find her golden chance at a truly golden moment and share her lovely gift with the world.
I Dreamed a Dream is a song of exquisite, devastating pain and longing. Yet when Ms. Boyle sang, it was transformed into an anthem of reflection and resolve and nascent hope for the future, a statement of the capacity for resilience and rebirth in the face of hurt and misery and battered or deferred dreams that was not lost on the skeptical judges and the audience, as demonstrated by the standing ovation at the end of her performance.
Judge Amanda Holden said: "I am so thrilled because I know that everybody was against you. I honestly think that we were all being very cynical, and I think that's the biggest wake-up call ever. And I just want to say that it was a complete privilege listening to that."
Let's also dispense with our cynicism, with being against and/or skeptical of things without understanding them. Let's applaud and encourage (both tacitly and overtly) others like Susan Boyle when we have the opportunity. Let's be gentle and nurturing with the dreamers (including ourselves) and show appreciation for those who truly love and give and abide without expectation of the quick reward.
Let's allow ourselves to believe in the magical thought that there are phoenixes among us who will one day rise from the spent ash of disappointment and regret and heartbreak to spread their glorious wings under a sustaining sun ... who know that one day their time will come, if they are prescient and wise enough to give their lives meaning and bring peace to their hearts and the hearts of others, while they await their chance. For one day, one life, the world they desire will be theirs, and their dreams will be waking, walking, breathing, luminous reality....
As I watched Ms. Boyle perform, I was reminded of my "old friend" William Butler Yeats, who wrote:
With all a woman's passion...
And that proud look as though she had gazed into the burning sun...
I knew a phoenix in my youth, so let them have their day.
)O(
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