Broken Links

Written by
Nicki Sooter Wilcoxson

Forty-one years ago in May of 1968 Jim, our little daughter Kim, and I moved to Amarillo from Lubbock where I had just graduated from Tech and completed my first half year teaching in what was at that time Cooper Rural School. We arrived in Amarillo for a new job for Jim and just in time for our new daughter, Jami, to be born in October. I don't know if we ever considered the idea that we would still be living in Amarillo 41 years later with only a short stay in Booker so Jim could coach basketball for the first time in high school. Before coming to Amarillo, we had spent four years in Lubbock as Tech students. So many of our high school friends had made their way to Tech and during those four years our friendship base had not changed radically. But as 1967 loomed closer, it was obvious that most if not all of us were forging paths that had already begun to take us away from our old friends. Many of us married, had children, got new jobs, quit school, joined the military, and some even returned to Childress. I am sure that somewhere in the back of our minds we just knew that we would all remain friends and be linked through friendship forever. I don't believe that even once it occurred to any of us that we might never see one another again. After all, we would always have Childress!!

In Amarillo, Jim and I soon found ourselves enmeshed with a group of people whose link to friendship depended on the fact that all of our men/husbands were a part of the world of golf as golf shop professionals, assistant pros, or just dedicated golfers. Most were young married couples with 2 or 3 small children so the wives shared the loneliness of being married to men who through their golf course jobs had to work until dark most nights, weekends, and holidays. We depended on one another for friendship, play dates and joined together to share meals with one another and our husbands. One Thanksgiving we even had a wonderful potluck meal for all of us who were trapped at the golf courses on the holiday. One of the couples was a bit older than the rest of us and we depended on them to lead the way. I remember this as being a turbulent time with lots of problems, growing pains, and learning experiences. However, the friendships were dear to us. After a few years some of the guys got new jobs and some left for the greener pastures of California and San Antonio. The children started school, pre-school and some of the wives including myself began working outside the home. My long years of teaching had begun. Finally only Jim and one of our other friends were left in the golfing profession--this time as a golf course superintendent with long, long hours and the stress of keeping a golf course in great shape and alive. Finally it took one final tragic and violent act to catapult all of us into a time of grief and disbelief over the loss of a friend to truly sever the ties of friendship and the knowledge that nothing would ever be the same for any of us as friends who had perhaps not shared enough with one another.

The next stage of life was a wonderful time for friends. Our girls were growing up and soon they were competing with one another on Kid's Inc teams. Jim began his coaching of these little girls choosing basketball while other dad's coached track, softball, and later volleyball. Of course our friendship base expanded, taking in the parents of both girls while year after year we cheered and supported the teams. When they were older and they played on school teams, we watched them growing up and we sat with the other parents with whom we shared the support and love of all the girls. We traveled to out of town games, laughed, cried, and cheered for our girls. During this time Jim and three other parents introduced Little Dribblers to Amarillo and as a result the foundation for our friendships grew and expanded for more years. Because Kim no longer played sports after entering high school her friendships extended to more girls and we met their parents and became friends with the common interest of our daughters and their activities. Keeping an eye on this bunch was a challenge and it is true that it probably does take a village to make it work! It seemed that we were in touch with so many people, and it is true that our friends were mostly linked through the networks of our children.

In the next stage life happened. The girls grew up, went away to school, and got married. During high school, only a few were left in sports, others branched out into new activities, and we began to see parents less often. Jim went back to school to finish his degree and get his teacher's certificate. He became busy with his own teams and actually earned money. Soon his friendship base consisted of other coaches, co-workers, and a few old friends from the past who continued to follow his career. Friendship between the coaches' wives developed as well.

I loved the teachers I worked with in the schools where I taught and became friends with many of these special people. Over the years, friends moved away, changed schools, and I believe it became a case of out of sight and out of mind. There are still dear friends, but we have to work hard to make time to get together even if it is a quick lunch. Retirement and grandchildren have added a new dimension to our priorities and though no less important friends sometimes have to take a backseat to family and time. Did we ever believe that so many of our friends would be relegated to short visits in the grocery store or in the mall or even at the funeral of another friend.?

Perhaps trying to reconnect with our high school friends and other old friends has become more important to us now that we know that time is not on our side any longer. It is sort of like now or never if we want to see old friends again. Mending those broken links is difficult and it takes a lot of work. At times it is questionable if it is worth the effort and at other times something calls out to us that we must reconnect. Does that help to explain why Twitter and Facebook are so popular even at the most inconsequential level?

Think of a link as something that leads or connects us to each friend.
How many of broken links do we need to mend or add to reach lost friends?
Is it worth the effort?
That is the question that each of us has to ask.

The final thought: This post began as a reflection of connecting and reconnecting with old friends. However, I soon found myself reflecting on the various friends that Jim and I had shared at the different stages of our life. I strongly believe that many of our experiences mirror to some degree the lives of many of the blog readers. It is amazing how many of our old friends who are no longer in our lives come into my mind and I can clearly see and remember old times. Sadly, I know I will probably never see them again and yet we were blessed to have them as part of shared past experiences. The dear friend that we lost so tragically in our golf world era was a young mother of three children who so tragically and unexpectedly took her own life. Today we know that in all probability she suffered from post-partum depression which had not been identified in the world of the 1960's at least in our lives. None of us ever totally recovered from the horror of the event, but she remains in my heart and in my mind forever.