Gifts: It’s the Little Things

Tea Time

By Nicki Wilcoxson

In case you have missed the weather over the last few days, you might not be aware that Amarillo and the Texas Panhandle were once again the recipients of the unpredictability of Mother Nature. As of yesterday, March 27, our city had received over a foot of snow along with high winds resulting in high drifts and the necessity for a day off from school on Friday and the unscheduled closing of many businesses and highways in and out of Amarillo. Most residents took the late arriving snowfall in stride and relished the chance for an unexpected day off. Nearly everyone I have spoken to mentioned spending the day in pajamas, watching movies, making snow ice cream, reading, or relaxing and just generally being grateful for the gift of time. Today, Saturday, there seemed to be no great rush to resume a hurried pace of life—no rush to get cars out of the garage or to shovel snow. Amazingly, even with the huge amount of snow dumped on us, by early afternoon, the big meltdown was well under way, with the snow disappearing and melting into the ground at a high rate of speed. There is thankfulness for the gift of moisture we have gotten for the first time since October and anticipation that the grass and plants will have a jump start to a healthier beginning for spring. Now it appears that March will go “out like a lamb.” Of course, that remains to be seen since April Fool’s Day is on the horizon.

During spring break, March 14 through 20, Jim and I returned to Phoenix, taking our grandson, Jordie, back to the MLB spring training for the teams in the Cactus League. This year we were seasoned visitors for the event, and we took advantage of the gift of our learning experiences from last year. We found a hotel more centrally located to some of the ballparks where we planned to attend games. We stayed in Phoenix the whole time rather than staying in Tucson part of the time, even though we missed seeing my brother and family and missed out on being in Tucson which we really prefer to Phoenix. Less travel was our goal to ensure that we had a more relaxing time. Happily, we had more family members with us, Cole, our youngest grandson, and his parents. This year our son-in-law and the two grandsons were able to attend most games with Jim, leaving time for me and daughter Kim to enjoy a day or two of mall shopping which was great fun for me. With the weather being practically perfect, spending time with family, and enjoying great baseball, great food, and shopping, a good time was had by all.

With that having been said, I want to share a few of the unexpected events that made the trip first rate. Because we flew out of Albuquerque, we had extra time in the Albuquerque airport before flying to Phoenix. I love airport shops and I love to browse through them looking for the new and unexpected. I feel that this time I hit the jackpot! While passing one small shop filled with jewelry and other items, I was suddenly drawn to a display of books and unusual works of art. I tried to pass (really I did!), but I kept returning to take another look. Small, thin, brightly colored books demanded my attention. It was then that I discovered Brian Andreas, who is described as a fiber artist, sculptor, and storyteller. I found that I was immediately hooked as I browsed through the books, pouring over the small stories to be found in words and drawings on each page. In the introduction to his book, Hearing Voices, he states that, “I’ve been hearing voices for a long time now……….The voices I hear are soft voices, filled with sunlight & the warmth of the earth……” I gave myself the gift of two of his books and spent the rest of my time in the airport reading, laughing, and urging Jim to read many of the stories with me. Since then I have found much more to enjoy and share. Time well spent!! The gift that keeps on giving!!

Another gift that made our hearts swell was the gift of knowledge that grandson # 1 shared with grandson #2. Jordie is a pitcher on his baseball team and for years he has worked to perfect his craft through lessons and practice. Cole is just beginning that dreaded year in kids’ baseball when the switch is made from coach pitch to kid pitch. Cole wants to try his hand at pitching so Jordie took time to work with Cole on some of the beginning pitching techniques that he has learned over the years. All of us adults saw in Jordie an unexpected aptitude or gift for patience in working with his young cousin. We couldn’t help but be very proud of both boys for recognizing that each of them has the capability for giving and receiving in the relationship!

Both boys like baseball. Jordie in particular has an amazing knowledge of the game and of the Major League players. Spring training games are much more relaxed than regular games. There is plenty of time to watch the players warm up, play, and some of the members of the teams are even willing to take time to talk to the fans—particularly the children. Cole very quickly figured out that it was a coup to catch a foul ball and he was not shy about running for the balls and doing his best to catch one. He is a little guy, but he is really quick in darting over and down the rows to get to the balls. On one occasion a player tossed a ball to him in the stands as he stood on the first row. He was thrilled and determined to get an autograph from the player in question. After the game, he called the player over and not only did he get an autograph on the ball and on his mitt, he was absolutely overwhelmed when the young player handed him a bat to keep. You would have thought he had been given a million dollars. In his eyes the guy was a hero.

Cole’s proud dad, Vince, says it best, “And then (Cole) got his mitt and ball signed by another player Adam Pavkovich who also pulled out Eric Aybar's ( LA Angel's Starting Second Baseman) custom bat and just gave it to him. He was thrilled (me too).”

On that day, he received not only the gifts of the ball and the bat, but the gift of affirmation that he mattered as a fan and to the player. Before we left to come home, the bat was FedExed to Flower Mound to be there for Cole since it wouldn’t fit on the plane. The rest of us received the gift of that big old smile on Cole’s face.

Finally, remembering the learning experiences that were the result of our being lost the entire time we were in Phoenix last year, Jim and I gave ourselves the gift of a GPS system. We were not lost even once this year so for that, we give the GPS system our vote as the one of the “greatest inventions since sliced bread!” Don’t leave home without it!

Recently, I have not given much attention to my everyday gift to myself which is, of course, the gift of great tea. Hope you enjoy your drink of choice as much as I do mine and that you make every little gift count.

To enjoy a bit of Brian Andreas click on the link below.

Real Limit by StoryPeeps

Do You Believe in Magic? ... Magic Moments ... and The First Time....

The Looking Glass
by Jennifer Johnston



Intercloud lightning over Toulouse, France
Original image by Image:Lightning Sequence 2
Author: Sebastian D'Arco Animation: Koba-Chan
Licensed under Wikipedia Commons

Those who have read many of my blogposts (certainly on the Reflections blog) know that music ... and memories ... are very important to me, particularly when they intertwine and meld into sweet sustaining psychic harmonies. The wonderfully yclept Lovin' Spoonful (whose name was inspired by lines in the song Coffee Blues by Mississippi John Hurt) sang, perhaps somewhat metaphorically, in 1965:

Do you believe in magic in a young girl's heart
How the music can free her, whenever it starts ...
I'll tell you about the magic, and it'll free your soul
But it's like trying to tell a stranger 'bout rock and roll...

Just go and listen, it'll start with a smile
It won't wipe off your face no matter how hard you try ...
... you can't seem to find
How you got there, so just blow your mind.

If you believe in magic, come along with me
We'll dance until morning 'til there's just you and me
And maybe, if the music is right
I'll meet you tomorrow, sort of late at night
And we'll go dancing baby, then you'll see
How the magic's in the music and the music's in me.

Yeah, do you believe in magic...?

I do believe in magic ... in a young girl's heart, in meaningful words and music, in the "connection" of twindred souls, in the haunting peace conferred by lovely reflections and dreams.... I've never depended on anyone else to "make magic" for me ... but sometimes, when the "music" is right, we may come together to burn transcendent, even immortal, memories to light the corners of our minds (with a nod to the 1981 recording by Barbra Streisand).

We all have memories we treasure, touchstones of our lives ... and we all have certain commonalities of memory, "big" memories ... the day we married, the births of our children. But I am not speaking of those large milestones here. I am talking of "special" memories, small but important and sometimes portentous moments, perhaps lasting only a short while ... which become indelible, immutable threads in the multi-hued tapestry of our lives. Such as:



A raindrop, Image by Uni Mainz

★ The first time you read something that fired every synapse and neuron in your brain, caused you to check your premises and re-evaluate your thinking, and lit an eternal flame in your soul ... that intimated your destiny, and future reveries.... (As Paul Anka sang in 1958 in You Are My Destiny....)

★ The first time you ever played an instrument (if that is what lights your fire ... with a nod to The Doors) ... your own magnum opus perhaps (grin) ... and felt in that transcendent moment you had achieved near-perfect pitch and rhythm.... (I played the saxophone and have always loved its sound, like the haunting, melancholy saxophone of Harlem Nocturne by Earle Hagan and the 1954 sax-saturated Sexy Ways by Hank Ballard and the Midnighters....)

★ The first time you believed in Superman and knew just how high the Witchy Woman (with sparks flying from her fingertips and the moon in her eyes) could fly, without need of a silver spoon.... (Immortalized by The Eagles in 1972 with driving, seductive drumbeats, perfectly blended harmonies and rockin' cataclysmic chords....)

★ The first time you found your "signature" scent by the reaction it caused ... mine was and is Emilio Pucci's Vivara ... with notes of almond amaretto, sambac jasmine, narcissus and orange blossom, reminiscent of the Italian Riviera. ("You know you put a spell on me..." as the Swiss group Shakra sang in Sweet Perfume....)


This Magic Moment, another all-time favorite of mine, written by Doc Pomus and Mort Shuman and first recorded by Ben E. King and The Drifters, charted at No. 16 in 1960. It was covered in 1969 by Jay and the Americans, making it to No. 6 that year ... but I've always had a preference for The Drifters' version. Every time I hear that magical, swirling intro the song just takes me away:

This magic moment, so different and so new
Was like any other, until I kissed you
And then it happened,
It took me by surprise
I knew that you felt it too
By the look in your eyes.

Sweeter than wine,
Softer than a summer night
Everything I want I have
Whenever I hold you tight.

This magic moment
While your lips are close to mine
Will last forever,
Forever 'til the end of time.




Caramel ice cream
Source: Lotus Head

There are so many magic moments in our lives, that come to us sometimes without much or any planning, but stay with us forever, like:

★ The first time you shared a frothy lagniappe after a fantastic feast, with crème fraîche at the corners of your mouths emphasizing slow, loving smiles.... (A Taste of Honey, Herb Alpert and The Tijuana Brass, on the Whipped Cream & Other Delights album, 1960)

★ The first time you and your love were drenched in a steamy, late-summer shower, the downpour soaking your hair and skin, the echo of Laughter in the Rain and a shiver running up your spine (with a nod to Neil Sedaka) ... then slowly drying off in the heat, your hair in disarray ... but you didn't care....

★ The first time with your soul mate in a different place, a different space, outside your usual "comfort zone" ... but still it seemed familiar, looking at each other in the same way then but you couldn't remember where or when (as Perry Como sang in 1948, and Dion and the Belmonts took to No. 3 in 1960)....

★ The first time the tide rushed in, knocked you off your feet and left you gasping.... (Cue Ebb Tide, written in 1953 and then recorded that year by Vic Damone, covered in subsequent years by numerous artists, including Frank Sinatra, Lenny Welch ... of Since I Fell For You fame in 1963, another killer song ... and The Righteous Brothers, whose version was arguably the most successful, hitting No. 5 on the charts in 1965....)

In 1968, Steppenwolf hit with Magic Carpet Ride (words and music by John Kay and Rushton Moreve):

Well, you don't know what we can find
Why don't you come with me, little girl
On a magic carpet ride?
You don't know what we can see
Why don't you tell your dreams to me,
Fantasy will set you free.
Close your eyes, girl
Look inside, girl....

★ The first time you were outside, absolutely surrounded by rain and wind and thunder and lightning ... and had absolutely no fear.... (Lightnin' Strikes by Lou Rawls: "Every boy wants a girl he can trust to the very end..." ... and beyond....)

★ The first time you shared and reveled in the still of the night.... (The Five Satins, 1956)

★ The first time you "went native" in a paradise that put you in a trance ... and the words from Little Anthony and the Imperials' pulsing 1960 hit Shimmy Shimmy Ko-Ko Bop floated through your head....

★ The first time you shared ice cream in blazing incandescent heat, and exchanged sticky, flavored kisses ... and felt there was a special angel near.... (Bobby Helms' 1957 My Special Angel, and the 1968 cover by The Vogues....)

Don McLean posed this question in 1971 in American Pie:

Do you believe in rock and roll
Can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?



Los Angeles International Airport

I do believe in "rock 'n' roll" (oh, for sure!) ... and rhythm and blues ... and doo wop ... and slow, slow dancing ... and how they have lifted my immortal soul.... AND ... there is going to be a major "Rock, Rhythm and Doo Wop" concert in our area on June 12!!! And do you remember:

★ The first meaningful slow dance once upon a long, long time ago when a kiss stopped you from shaking ... as limned in Barry Manilow's 1974 hit Mandy (who came and gave without taking)....

★ The first kiss when your heart, and time, stopped and left you somewhere in space, hanging suspended like the Stranger in Paradise.... (Based on the music of Alexander Borodin, sung in the 1953 musical Kismet by Richard Kiley and immortalized in 1955 by Tony Bennett and by The Four Aces and by so many others....)

★ The first time you absorbed the pure poetry of Bob Lind's 1966 hit Elusive Butterfly ... "Don't be concerned, it will not harm you, it's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of" ... and it has ever since echoed softly in the distance through the canyons of your mind....

★ The first time you dared to Dream a Little Dream (1968) ... soaring with the wonderful contralto of Mama Cass Elliott (nee Ellen Naomi Cohen), gone too soon in 1974....

And do you remember the first time you heard Roberta Flack's beautiful, oh so evocative 1973 Grammy-winning hit The First Time ... and related to every gorgeous word....

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love....
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last 'til the end of time, my love....

I remember the first time ... all the first times ... and the first time I truly believed forever is real ... and the universe is harmonious ... and there is a reason for everything.... Yes, I do believe in magic ... and I soooo hope you do too....

)O(

We get emails, lots and lots of emails.....

Bits and Pieces
Written by Betty Smith

I came home from work Monday night and logged on to email--can't live without emails, you know! The one that caught my attention immediately was titled "Hey Granny"-I smiled as I saw the subject because it meant one of my grandchildren had written me! What joy filled my heart! Usually, they're much too busy to email dear ole Granny because they can text me initials and half words that I have to have an interpreter explain to me because it's so much faster.

I'm going to share this one with you because it brought a tear to my eye.
Read it. You'll see why...

Hey Granny! How are ya? Havent talked to ya in a while.

I kinda sorta have a random question for you. There is a rodeo school called Sankey Rodeo School and they teach saddle bronc riding, which is something I wanna do. But its on a weekend in April and i definitely dont have the money for it. So im tryin to see if i can talk everyone in the family into gittin together on it as one big birthday present. And i was wondering if you could please help me out. This is something i have been wanting to do since last year, but i didn't have the money last year either. And incase you are wondering, its 400 dollars, but i can talk the family into splitting the cost, it wont be too bad. Please help me out.

Talk to ya latter Granny! Love ya and miss ya!

Not wanting to embarrass him, I won't tell you his name, but it's from my 18 year old grandson, who is currently attending college in Laramie, WY! God help us!

Obviously, I understand where the Bonc idea comes from-he's going to school with a bunch of cowboys and wants to be accepted..noproblem with that.

This is the child who would routinely build a ramp on the driveway and ride his bicycle off it at break neck speed, then wonder why he was a massive bump and bruise from head to toe all the time! So, yeah, I get that he's not afraid to fall off something-but a BRONC?!

You gotta be kiddin' me!

This was my reply:

Dear Lifted,

I don't know who you are, but obviously you've stolen my grandson's laptop and are using his address book to prey on his poor unsuspecting grandmother! How dare you?!? Give that boy back his computer right this minute! He would never ever suggest that his dear ole hard working Granny contribute to something so outrageous. If you're holding him hostage, you might as well let him go now because it's not going to do you a bit of good to ask for money for a bronc riding
school! And for goodness sakes, if you'r on drugs, honey, please get help! You really need it if you're going to continue sending ransom notes because you can spell worth sh**!

Think that about covered the subject??


Posted by Nicki Wilcoxson for Betty Merritt

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night Redux ... A Visit With Steve Fanning....

The Looking Glass
by Jennifer Johnston




















Jennifer and Steve, Freda's Seafood Grille, Austin (Lakeway), Texas
March 13, 2009

It was a dark and stormy night ... again ... putting me in mind of the mini-reunion in Dallas last year with Nicki and Jim, Linda Kay and Wayne Cook, Phil (The Bish) and Winnie Tutor, Coach Joe Warren and Yahn and my happy self (described in detail ... with pictures ... on the Reflections blog). Some might speculate that the "dark and stormy" stuff is following me ... kinda like the perpetual cloud around poor old Joe Btfsplk of L'il Abner fame ... but ... nahhhh ... and I digress.... (grin)

On Friday, March 13 (no fear here!!!) I traveled to Austin without Yahn, who is not yet strong enough to make such a quick trip, to take some things to our daughter Chiara, see her daughter and son (our grandchildren) Morgan and Griffin ... and get together with Sheila Martinez and Steve Fanning (Class of '65) for dinner at Freda's Seafood Grille in Lakeway (a suburb of Austin).

Those of you who have joined us on Facebook (and for those who haven't, why?) may already have become "Friends" with Steve, or at least have read some things about him on my page, or Sheila's, or Nicki's or others ... but those who haven't may be interested in a bit of information about Steve and his life since he (and we) left the hallowed halls of CHS.

For example, one thing I didn't know until recently is that Steve didn't graduate from CHS. His family moved to Levelland at the end of the school year in 1963, so he got his diploma there in 1965. From there he went to Texas Tech, where he earned B.A. and M.A. degrees, going on to achieve his Ph.D. from the University of Minnesota. He was Assistant Dean of the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences at the University of Illinois Chicago from 1996-1999, and has been a member of the Department of History there since 1980, where he is now an Associate Professor. He has also been Visiting Assistant Professor in the History Departments of The University of Tennessee, Knoxville and the University of Minnesota.

Steve has published many articles in magazines, journals and encyclopedias and has been the recipient of many grants and awards to further his work. He is the author of two books: Mystics of the Christian Tradition (New York and London: Routledge, 2001) and A Bishop and His World Before the Gregorian Reform, Hubert of Angers, 1006-1047 (Transactions of the American Philosophical Society, Vol. 78, Part I, 1988). I am reading Mystics of the Christian Tradition (didn't have time to finish before our get-together) and it is very well researched and written; truly a scholarly and thoughtful treatment of his subject. I would recommend it to anyone who has an interest in such things, or who just enjoys reading diverse books. It is available on Amazon, and probably some other sites.

In 1998, Steve was in a serious accident while in England, which left him him a coma for two weeks, as well as paralyzed. Subsequently he was healed and learned to walk again, despite his doctor's prognosis that it would be neurologically impossible for him. While in the coma, Steve had a near-death experience (NDE), and from that point he began re-ordering his life, "listening to his conscience, ignoring his ego, and started studying mysticism...." As you may imagine, if you have inferred anything from several of my blogposts about what I have come to believe, when I learned this I knew we just had to get together for a long talk. Sheila felt the same way, so when we found that Steve would be in Austin presenting a workshop on spiritual healing last week, we made arrangements to get together for dinner.

Steve and Sheila Ann Martinez, March 13, 2009



I picked Steve up at The Crossings, a lovely place set in Austin's hills, surrounded by woods with a view of Lake Travis. It was amazing (well, maybe not quite so much since I had seen his photo on the cover of his book ... grin) but when he came walking toward me I did feel a recognition.... Of course we hugged and exchanged the usual greetings for such an occasion. Steve looked great (someone has astutely commented that he has aged well). We walked out to my little Prius, dodging raindrops and talking easily (without any conversational "drag" or other indication that we hadn't seen each other in almost 46 years) all the way to the restaurant.

Sheila joined us soon after we arrived, and the three of us spent a wonderful evening of getting reacquainted, memories mixed with "catch-up" and an exchange of metaphysical (and other) experiences and philosophical musings. It was one of the nicest evenings I've spent in a long time. I was so sorry that Yahn hadn't been able to make the trip (he is still not quite strong enough after his surgery) because he is so erudite and well-read himself. I know he would have enjoyed the time with Steve (and Sheila, who has spent a lot of time with Yahn and me over the past few years), exchanging thoughts and stories ... but the CEO "in the sky" willing and the creek don't rise (again ... it was really wet out there last week!), we will have an opportunity to get together with Steve again sometime in the future. Yahn and Steve did exchange pleasantries by phone.

Among the many things we discussed (and for those who don't know) was the loss of Steve's brother Keith (CHS Class of 1962), who had made a career as a police officer and died so relatively young (age 50) and unexpectedly several years ago. We commiserated over the loss of our siblings (as many of you know, my brother Scott died in 1981 at age 31, and I've written about it on the Reflections blog, most extensively in the Elvis Presley blogpost). Steve said that when he was in a coma and during part of his recovery in London, Keith came to be with him, which he so appreciated. Like many siblings, Steve says he and Keith had some conflicts growing up, but that as they matured they became close.

Steve also spoke poignantly about how difficult it was for him when his family moved to Levelland after his Sophomore year at CHS, when he had to leave his friends and activities and the life he had lived there.

After the long dinner, and great conversation, it was bittersweet to return Steve to The Crossings, as I believe we could have gone on talking for hours, if not days. Oh well ... I will treasure the time we had ... and look forward to the future ... which I do a lot.... (grin)

I spent the night with Sheila, in her little "treehouse" ... and want to thank her again here for extending her hospitality to me. We sat up chatting for a while over dishes of vanilla ice cream, Triple Sec and pecans (yeee-hah!!!). Her "treehouse" is indeed in a lovely, wooded hilly area ... but unfortunately the rain prevented us from sitting out on the balcony and communing with nature and the resident wildlife, of which she has spoken so many times. I was up early Saturday morning and off to see Chiara, Morgan and Griffin before I returned to Dallas later that day. A fast trip ... but good, and definitely worthwhile.



Thurmann Cove, Lake Travis, Texas

On the way to the restaurant, I played just a bit of the CHS Class of 1963 CDs that Johnny Goyen did for me some years ago, and it was fun to listen to some of the "oldies but goodies." Steve says his daughter just loves the music from "our time" ... she thinks we lived through a wonderful "American Graffiti" period (and we did!). I gave him the CD set that was in my car, and he says he will share the CDs (and the memories on them) with her ... after he's finished listening to them. (grin)

Apologies for the blurry pictures. I forgot my camera, so we had to use my cell phone....

I will leave you with this: While we were listening to the CDs, Steve had a "flashback" and opined that the "Childress High School Song" is the worst school song ever! I hope I am not stepping on any toes when I say I must concur. And yet ... I can sing that song (more or less on key, I hope) to this day.

Steve sends his regards and good wishes to all his former classmates ... and I am waiting to hear how he enjoyed his hot stone massage (which I love) on Sunday, and the music from long ago when we all lived in Childress and bled Bobcat blue.

Steve, if you're reading this, we'd love to hear from you....

)O(

Titles

Written by
Clara Robinson Meek

I'm making some progress regarding my blogphobia. However, here it is, my turn again and I seem to be blogless in Boerne. One of my earlier reasons for procrastination was lack of titles.

How silly! Inspiration is all around me. Titles are now hurling themselves at me, practically attacking me. Following are a few examples.

I got out of the shower this morning, stumbled to the lav, looked in the mirror........... Title: My Mother Never Told Me I Was The Adopted Sister of Jack Nicholson

I ran an errand, got cut off in traffic by someone juggling food, drink, phone, and want ads............. Title: Seriously, Are There Any Sane Drivers?

My practically brand new computer freezes, AGAIN............... Title: I Was Lead to Believe that Apples Came from God

No one responds to my cheery, lilting "Hello" on the walking trail......... Title: Do I Look that Scary?

It is mid morning and I realize I haven't eaten breakfast, my resolution for a healthier me.......... Title: Leftover Stirfry: Its Not Just for Lunch

I'm in my closet trying to get dressed for a 2 o'clock appointment................. Title: Total Chaos Can Play Havoc with a Tight Schedule

Today I notice in my computer class that I'm the youngest student. I ROCK!............. Title: I'm Too Sexy for my Computer

Don is tilling his garden.............. Title: From Three Piece Suits to Dirt

There is a phone message. My Tai Chi class has been canceled AGAIN............... Title: I May Never Learn BUDDHA'S WARRIOR ATTENDANT POUNDS MORTAR

Is it dinner time already?.............. Title: Dining Goes Eclectic or Don't Ask, Just Eat

One last check of Face Book before bed............ Title: Face Book Addiction--It Could Happen to You.

Do you see what I'm saying? Life IS a title just waiting to be written. So, please, someone out there grab a few of mine and get after it!

Next time I may try to tackle content.

A Box of Chocolates ... Tiger, Tiger ... and Caveat Sender....

The Looking Glass
by Jennifer Johnston

William Blake's original plate for The Tyger (ca. 1794)

I've recently had occasion to reflect that my e-mail Inbox is like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates: You never know what you're gonna get....

I actually managed some time ago to block bogus Nigerian Princes and their dubious get-rich-quick schemes. I've kept a flood of unwanted ads and pitches for products of questionable efficacy from my "main" Inbox by having an "alternate" e-mail account that I use anytime I must register to enter a site of interest. BTW ... it works like a charm!!! That "alternate" e-address gets hundreds of spam-mails over the course of just a day or two ... while my real Inbox remains reasonably pristine and available for the "important" stuff (at least to me) of staying in touch with friends, sending/receiving birthday wishes, planning get-togethers and other (ideally lovely) things.

Unfortunately, in the "you never know what you're gonna get" category, I sometimes (once would be too often) get idiotic, inane, rabble-rousing and/or nasty e-mails, written (I imagine) by a band of drooling neo-Neanderthal cretins in a moss-covered cave without sanitary facilities (although this may be broadly unfair to Neanderthals in general) ... e-mails that are then mindlessly (or maliciously) passed on by some of those with whom I normally exchange pleasantries, despite my repeated requests to stop sending me such trash.

The latest "poison mouse" missive came yesterday from someone I have reconnected with in the last few years, though we have never been close friends. The e-mail (which also purported to have been "verified by Snopes" ... a half-truth at best) told the inflammatory story of how Tiger Woods was supposedly invited to speak at President Obama's inauguration, but that those who invited Tiger were stunned (I am put in mind of shocked! shocked!) when Woods "did not deliver the message [the inviters] had expected." The e-mail also said that the media swept this alleged affront to Tiger (and his message about god and military service) "under the rug" and went on to imply that "a certain element" (liberals ... ooooh, scary!!!) were "ticked off" (I have used a euphemism here) at Tiger because of what he said.

Balderdash!!! Let's shed some truth and light on this warped "story." Tiger was NOT invited to speak at the inauguration of President Obama. He was invited to be one of several performers/personages to appear at the "We are One" pre-inaugural special which appeared on HBO. As an HBO subscriber, I watched the entire "We Are One" presentation ... actually recorded it and watched it again because it was so incredibly moving and uplifting ... and I am here to tell you that Tiger DID appear and deliver the speech quoted in the e-mail, as had been planned for him to do.

Tiger's portion of the program was specifically and purposefully dedicated to the Armed Services of the United States of America ... which appeared in the planned program of the event. Tiger did not slyly and/or patriotically "slip something by" his "inviters" or then President-Elect Obama, as this ridiculous e-mail implies. Further, President-Elect Obama, sitting just a few feet away from the stage, smiled and nodded as Tiger spoke, joined the applause at the end of the presentation, and then walked onstage and spoke with and shook the hands of those who had appeared, including Tiger.

Though the e-mail accurately quoted Tiger's remarks, it becomes a lie because it distorts the truth about the incident, Tiger's participation and purpose, and Obama's and the media's (oooh, scary again!!!) actions. Nothing about Tiger's remarks was "swept under the rug" ... by anyone. His speech (and the participation of the other people involved) did not receive wide media distribution because HBO decreed that only HBO subscribers, or those willing to pay for viewing the special, would have access to the entire pre-inaugural program. (Obama's speech was carried by the major news networks, the distinction being that it was labeled as "news" and not "entertainment.") I am personally disappointed that the special was not available on the major networks, because it was beautiful, moving and (again) uplifting. Unfortunately, capitalism and the profit motive reared their hydra-heads again ... and that trumps uplift nearly every time....



Tiger Woods

Tiger's speech did indeed praise the U.S. military, mentioning of course his own father's military service, and spoke of the sacrifices military personnel and their families make in the cause of freedom and defense of our nation. However, after quoting Tiger's remarks, whoever originated this e-mail went totally off the rails, frothing at the mouth and making all sorts of ridiculous claims, such as:

• Liberals have been mad at Tiger for decades for not joining their "ranks;"
• Tiger "didn't want to be there" (I didn't see a gun to his head when I watched "We Are One" ... and Tiger himself has said that it was a great honor for him to take part in the celebration);
• Tiger specifically and intentionally did not mention Obama once and spoke instead of the military (well yes ... but not everyone who participated in the special did mention Obama directly ... and despite the e-mail's implications, the presentation was intended not as obeisance to Obama, but as a celebration and tribute to our country, to our "one nation, indivisible"); and
• Tiger was "his own man" and said what he wanted to anyway, knowing that "his love for America and appreciation for our military men and women would anger them [guess who?] further."

Oh gag me with a spoon.... Unlike the innuendo of the e-mail, it should be noted again that these were remarks that Tiger (who is considered apolitical by himself and others) planned to deliver ... that were part of the program presented ... and in no way did Tiger venture bravely off the reservation like some ornery maverick to gore Obama and/or liberals. This rabid, scurrilous, distorted (and bottom-line lying) attempt to rile people up and demonize liberals is just beyond the pale, is contemptible, and has no place in a reasonable, civilized society.

• News Flash: Many liberals (and I proudly wear the label, even ... especially ... when "bleeding heart" is appended to it) are just as patriotic, just as appreciative of our great country, just as supportive of our military, as the most ramrod-straight, crew-cut conservative. Yes, there are far-left fringe morons with whom I don't agree ... just as there are far-right looney 'toons (like whoever originated this e-mail) who are seriously damaging our nation and our sense of community by passing around lies and incendiary exhortations to anger, pandering to the lowest common denominator. Most of the people in this country fall somewhere in the center politically ... and recent polls have shown that more now identify as slightly left of center than right ... which IMHO is a very good thing.

The e-mail goes on to note approvingly that after his speech, Tiger went on to introduce the Naval Academy Glee Club. Based on the implications of the e-mail, some might assume that Tiger had, on his own initiative, brought the Naval Academy singers to the celebration and wrangled them himself into the program despite great personal peril ... just to thwart liberals and Obama. Somebody needs to get a serious grip here....

And speaking seriously ... this is just one (the most recent and one of the more laughable) of such e-mails that I've received recently ... and frankly, I am afraid that some of the more gullible and less informed of our citizens will once again be panicked into acting against their own interests. There is a great hue and cry right now over proposed health care reform (which hopefully will include universal health care for every citizen of this nation, which is long overdue). However, those who would keep this country following the same failed policies of the past several years are vigorously raising the old shibboleths of Socialism ... Communism ... other "isms" which we were taught from the time we were small to equate in knee-jerk fashion with "the Devil," "Hell" and eternal damnation.

• News Flash: We already live in a quasi-Socialist society, and have throughout our lives. Think Social Security, Medicare, food stamps, the public school system, unemployment benefits ... all of which have been under egregious attack by certain elements over the past few decades. But ... which of these things do you really think we can and should live without? Are you truly ready to see more people living under bridges and in tent cities, and children and adults starving in the streets? I know there are a few of you who say we can do without all these safety nets ... and I am happy if you feel you can personally get along without them (in which case, don't use them) ... but I'll wager that most of us (and our families) have benefited from these things, and will continue to benefit in the future. And you might take some pause to consider that your comfortable circumstances may be based as much on luck and circumstance as on your own abilities and "true grit." I recommend a book called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, as well as the book Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich, both of which may give you some food for thought on this subject.
  

Thomas Jefferson, Liberal
Third President of the United States
Principal Author of the U.S. Declaration of Independence
Portrait by Charles Willson Peale (1791)

IMHO ... Socialism and Capitalism, like many philosophies, are unworkable in their "pure" forms ... partially because they do not take human nature and the "real world" into account. Our current economic debacle (which has been long in coming and did not arrive with President Obama) is a perfect example of laissez faire capitalism run amok. I will even go out on a limb here to posit that the ideal form of government may be a judicious blend of Socialism and Capitalism. Although I do not practice the Christian faith, nor believe many of its tenets, I do believe there is wisdom in some Christian thought ... and I am sure that many of you profess Christianity. I think from my earlier upbringing and understanding of his work that Jesus Christ would highly favor certain aspects of Socialism.... Feed the hungry, house the homeless, minister to the sick ... blessed are the poor, the meek, the merciful, the peacemakers.... I don't seem to recall Jesus (or his original disciples) saying anything about his followers going out and accumulating lots of property and wealth, and leaving their neighbors to twist in the wind. To the contrary, something comes to mind about camels and eyes of needles.... And the bedrock Ten Commandments of Judeo/Christian ethos warn strictly against bearing false witness. But I digress....

Despite assertions by parochial (and I don't mean Catholic) interests, the universal health care systems of Canada, Great Britain, France and other enlightened countries are models which we should study and emulate. The people who receive universal health benefits there (especially preventive care, which is so important to leading a healthy and hopefully longer and better life) would not consider for a moment changing their health care system for ours ... no matter how often opponents of universal health care try to claim this. It is ipso facto a lie. (I am sure a few people disgruntled with their health care systems can be found in those countries, but I speak here of the majority.) It is well past time for us to catch up with the other leading industrialized nations on this, which became more and more apparent to me as Yahn's recent medical bills climbed past $150,000.00 (to match the $150,000.00 plus the removal of my kidney in 2004 cost) ... or medical treatment will indeed soon be the sole province of the very wealthy.

One of the bêtes noires of the lunatic fringe is the proposal to put all medical records into electronic form. There has been all sorts of heavy breathing about "millions of people" possibly having access to your personal records, even information concerning whether you've had a drinking problem or an abortion, etc. Take a deep breath and understand that under a system of electronic medical records, few if any more people would have access to your records than do now to your written, paper records. Believe me ... if you find yourself in a medical crisis with a doctor you've never seen in a hospital you've never visited ... you may be exuberantly grateful (not to mention alive!) if they have immediate access to your electronic medical records and thereby some clue as to your medical history, medications, and how to administer the most efficacious treatment as expediently as possible. You do not want to be dependent on the Pony Express ... or U.S. Mule ... to get those records to them. Converting medical records to an electronic system will also create jobs ... which are sorely needed. We live in the 21st Century ... not the 19th, nor even the 20th. I personally don't want to go back to the 1950s, no matter how nostalgically I sometimes look at those days ... and I suspect most of us don't want to either.

Another hysterical contention of recent e-mail(s) has been that if we adopt a more inclusive (not to say the dreaded universal) health care system, we may not be able to get the treatment we need (or want ... and there is a difference) and that medical care will be rationed. Well, guess what??? We are already in that situation ... if you don't have money or health insurance (and millions of our fellow citizens don't, and couldn't afford it if it was available to them) ... medical care and treatment are rationed to that segment of the population which has money and/or coverage ... those excluded are left to fend for themselves ... and no, a visit to the Emergency Room is not adequate, and ultimately costs us more to treat those without insurance than it would have if they had access to free preventive and other medical care.

As for a doctor or hospital determining what treatment you need as opposed to treatment you may want ... again, that's already the norm. But for purposes of this post, let's consider a heart transplant. There are a finite number of hearts available for transplant. Perhaps one day a truly viable artificial heart will be invented, and can be mass-produced.... BUT: Given the current state of medical technology, I don't believe that someone who is 65 or 70 or older should have the same right and access to an available heart as does a 35-45 year old who has a family. Sorry if that seems cold ... and yes, 65 and 70 look younger to me every day ... but it just makes sense not to waste a heart on someone who arguably only has a few years of life left anyway ... and may have or develop Alzheimer's or other debilitating conditions which will cut the elder-life short. Americans have got to get over the idea that we are going to live forever if someone just discovers the appropriate pill, surgery or nostrum. And it makes absolutely no sense to prolong life irrationally and unreasonably ... to the point where those whose lives have been prolonged lose control of their faculties and their bodies.

Under universal health care, if you need a knee or hip replacement, or other standard treatment, it will likely be available to you ... as it is in the advanced countries mentioned herein.

Thomas Paine, Liberal
"The Father of the American Revolution"
Painting by Auguste Milliere (1880)

But ... back to e-mails, briefly. I am chagrined, and incredulous, to report that there are still people out there who persist in circulating the discredited notion that President Obama is somehow not eligible to be our Commander in Chief because of specious and suspect allegations about his birth. There are those who cling to and propagate this untruth because (for whatever reason ... racial, political or otherwise) they simply cannot and will not concede Obama's victory last November and his right to represent the Executive Branch of our government. These people need to get over it ... get a non-biased book, magazine or newspaper ... get a life, and move on. They are wrong. WRONG ... period.... The matter has been thoroughly examined and adjudicated and found to have no merit. Obama was born in the State of Hawaii ... therefore is a U.S. citizen ... therefore is qualified under our Constitution to hold his office. This, and all the other Obama "hate mail" ... including the one that he is really a Muslim; the one that he is like Hitler; the awful smear using the insane theories and "conclusions" of a gadfly wannabe doctor (with suspect credentials) named Sam Vaknin, which I won't dignify here by repeating; and the aforementioned e-mails ... should be filed in the "circular" file ... and then DUMP the TRASH.

I leave you with a few random thoughts which touch on other e-mails I have received, and about which I will likely hear more ... unless I can convince people to stop sending me such things:

• It has always struck me as exceedingly strange that some of the most fervent and vocal supporters of the death penalty also seek to outlaw abortion because of the "sanctity" of human life. It is worth noting that in the past several years, numerous people have been freed from death row, or from life (or at least very long) prison sentences because new and improved DNA techniques proved that they were innocent. It is well known that eye-witness, even victim, testimony may be inaccurate.
  

• In a CNN poll this week, 80% of Americans support embryonic stem cell research. We have lost ground in this promising area over the past eight years due to the intransigence of a fanatical 20%, and again, it is time to join the 21st Century in an effort to make life better for those who live ... not for non-sentient entities which are going to be discarded anyway. I am proud that President Obama rectified this matter this past week.
  

• Conservative writer David Frum (a former speechwriter for George W. Bush, and author of a cover story in a recent Newsweek magazine that explains "Why Rush is Wrong") noted Sunday in an appearance on CNN's Fareed Zakaria GPS that a new poll shows that for the majority of Americans, Rush Limbaugh is less popular than the Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
  

One final point: When I asked the person who passed along the "Tiger" e-mail (and has sent others) why he kept sending such things ... he huffily replied that he considered himself "neutral" as far as his politics (though he went on to say that he is a member of one particular political party) and that if I didn't like the e-mails I could simply delete them. Well, sorry about that. If he ... or anyone ... invades my "home" (including my Inbox) with such tripe, then I am entitled to counter with my thoughts on ... and the facts of ... the matter. I also answered that he could not claim "neutrality" when he kept circulating such dangerous lies. I personally have been called a great variety of colorful names, many of them beginning with the pejoratives "un-American," "Commie," "pinko" (in singular and combined usage) and including "baby-killer with blood on [my] hands," and rhymes with "witch" ... when I've dared to question the premises and facts of such e-mails.

To my mind, leaving such ideas unchallenged and without contradiction has allowed them to fester and grow, and has divided our country in many ways. These things need to and must be challenged and exposed for the frauds they represent. Never again should we fail or fear to speak when the Emperor (or anyone else) has no clothes ... but we must speak the truth ... not smears and lies. And I intend to do my part in the debunking of these idiocies ... not just passively and meekly hitting "delete." I have known for some time that I am probably NOT one of the people who is destined to inherit the earth according to Blblical teachings ... grin....

Succinctly, you have the right to your own beliefs and ideas. You have the right to disagree with our government (as I did frequently and vehemently during the Bush years) ... and with me ... although optimally your disagreement will be based on reasoned, rational thought with at least a dose of reality ... and not on wild-eyed hysteria of questionable veracity. You do NOT have the right to poison the community well or yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater ... or otherwise disseminate poisonous material. So....

Caveat sender to anyone who forwards such things along to me....

)O(

In Like a Lion

Tea Time
Written by Nicki Wilcoxson

When one hears the word “spring” as in “Spring has Sprung” I imagine that there are many words and concepts that spring to mind—tulips, daffodils, crocus, rain, Easter, Easter eggs, pastels, beautiful spring days, spring break, warmer weather and all the pleasant feelings that are associated with the end of winter, cold, snow, and ice. If you are currently experiencing any or all of those wonderful feelings (even though it isn’t technically spring”) and you have been plunged into a frenzy of spring cleaning, open windows, and the reappearance of summer clothing, then you probably don’t live in the Texas Panhandle. Most of us have always heard that March comes in “like a lion and goes out like a lamb” and that is most assuredly the way it is in Amarillo and surrounding areas. The lion is roaring very loudly outside my house today!

March is without a doubt my least favorite times of the year and that feeling applies all too often to spring in general. I think that for me, March of 2009 has all the makings of an especially unpleasant time. In other words, I have a really “frowny” face when I think about it. We have not had rain since October, and as for snow, well, there were no snow days, sledding, snowmen, or snowball fights in Amarillo this winter. I bought a pair of Ugg boots with the idea that they would be so warm and cozy for the cold snowy days to come and I have to say that was not money well spent (in more ways than one if you know what I mean). I wore them once, for heavens sake!” Yes, we have had some cold days, but not enough to even kill the flies. I expect to see a mosquito at any moment.

Obviously, the lack of needed cold weather and snow, has made many people here very happy. Golfers are at the top of the list along with people who work outdoors. February was an especially glorious month and I don’t mean that as a compliment. On my calendar, February stands for days with snow, warm fires in the fireplace, and hot chocolate (perhaps I should say, hot tea because this is TEA TIME). I love my coat, gloves, and scarf. All winter long, I saw people dressed in shorts, short sleeves, and even flip-flops while I wore jeans, sweater, and a jacket. What is wrong with these people??? Just because it is 70 or 80 degrees doesn’t mean it is time to “dress down” does it?

I can best describe the weather in March here in the Panhandle as mercurial (changeable; volatile; fickle; flighty; erratic). March is just a big “tease”. The temperature can jump from 50 or less on one day to 80 or more the next and then back to cold. It is necessary to keep clothing from the winter wardrobe ready at a moment's notice and the summer wardrobe unpacked (if you ever packed it away) hanging close by—freezing in the morning and too warm in the afternoon. Days that start out with the wind calm and steady often end with gale force winds of 35 to even 50 or 60 mph. I hate it when the weather man talks about those highs and lows and dry lines that ebb and flow across us. Rain and snow fall on other towns and cities, but not here.

Because of the “drought” when the wind does sweep across the Panhandle, it is filled with sand and dirt and tumble weeds that roll down the alley and streets, packing tightly next to our fences, and houses. We can only hope for a change in the wind direction before we have to be the one to haul them who knows where! It is like playing tumble weed volleyball with our neighbors in Dumas or Lubbock. Spring Cleaning just doesn’t happen in March! When doors are opened, dead leaves and grass blow in and demand to be “swiffered” one more time. Fine layers of dust on the furniture lend themselves to someone finger printing, “dust me” for all to see. (not in my house, of course! LoL or maybe that would be like a “grim grin”.) And then, as if March feels remorseful for its bad behavior, he (I think of March as male) gives us a deceptively lovely break in the form of a day of exceptional beauty and blesses us with lovely early daffodils, hyacinths, and crocus all of which will be ripped to shreds when the wind and dirt decide to whip and sandpaper them the next day.

March also brings the much anticipated Spring Break. School children and parents look forward to being outside, working in the yard, and the opportunity for children to have a prelude to summer. All too often, the reality of these carefree days are dashed as long delayed snow and ice sweep from the north to be followed by wonderful weather the next week when children are once again back in school and locked in classrooms. All in all it seems that planning a ski vacation to New Mexico or Colorado would be preferable to enduring a week at home with cranky kids. Oh Mercurial March….. What have you wrought upon us? I mean really, who wants to wear Uggs in March! I just say, “ugh” instead.

Sadly, March is also the time of year when young athletes find themselves freezing on the tracks, baseball fields and golf courses—that is when they aren’t sweltering on the unseasonably hot days. Spectators at track meets and baseball games travel with blankets, coats, and hats to fling around themselves just when the weather men predicted warm and we were given cold instead.

That the “time change” demanding that we spring forward comes March 8 is only fitting. Perhaps just one more inconvenience to add to an already not so delightful month.

On the other hand, maybe March has to be March with all of its uncertainty so we can appreciate April all the more. When March blesses us with those beautiful days, we can take the time to stop and look for the hints of beauty that are still covered and pushing to get past the leftover leaves in the flower beds. Gently we can remove the debris and remnants of dead plants to make way for the living and growing. We can take deep breaths of clean air (when the wind isn’t blowing) and fill our bodies and minds with the promise of more to come. When the wind blows I need to remember that with wind comes an abundance of wind energy! We can be thankful for the snow and rain even if they come during spring break because we so badly need them and the kids can love building the snowmen in March just as much as they would have in December or January. We can be thankful that our young athletes are strong and resilient enough to persevere through the bad weather and that we fans are willing to stand watch and cheer even when it means we have to be strong and resilient, too. And, when the dust and dirt fill my house day after day, it’s probably only because I love to clean house often. Okay, maybe that is a stretch! This year we can even trust that March will be willing to bless us by going out like a lamb! I won’t even mention the threats of tornadoes and destructive hail and wind that come with the rest of spring.

The bottom line is that this cranky old lady needs to do a hand stand so the frown becomes a smile and count my blessings instead of cursing poor misunderstood mercurial March.

Oh my, did I forget to mention the appropriately named March Madness? Let the games begin!

Gravely Speaking ... Thinking Outside "the Box"

The Looking Glass
by Jennifer Johnston



Stupa (Buddhist funerary reliquaries/shrines), representing the enlightened mind
Grand Palace, Bangkok, Thailand - Photograph by Yahn Smith (June 1999)

Okay ... a little "dark" humor to kick off a serious topic ... one that I have been asked to write about ... and one that many of us find uncomfortable, or are hesitant for various reasons to consider or discuss. Still, at this time in our lives ... the "autumn" or the "twilight" ... or whatever euphemism we may prefer to deal with the thought that we are coming inexorably closer to death ... it is probably a good idea to give some thought to what we may leave behind ... other than ideally warm memories. Specifically, I am talking about what we may leave behind legally ... and how our choices in dealing with this (or not) may help or hurt our families and loved ones.

Some of you may know that I spent about 25 years of my working life as a paralegal, generally in civil litigation (usually defense) ... although having spent that long in the field of law (and a weeedy little place it can be sometimes) I have also gained some background in Wills and Trusts, Family Law and Probate, Living Wills, Physicians' Directives and Medical (and other) Limited Powers of Attorney. Let me say at the outset (and reiterate) ... I was a paralegal, not an attorney. I cannot give legal advice (nor can I argue a case in court); however, as a paralegal I did attorney-level work with my time often billed at attorney-level rates ... drafting from scratch numerous complex pleadings, briefs, discovery questions and answers and motions to compel (or resist) discovery, motions in limine, voir dire questions, and other documents. I had lots of client contact, including directly reporting to and updating our insurance carrier clients, and also handled in-depth investigations, deposition and testimony prep, jury analysis and legal research. I assisted my attorneys at trial on more than one occasion and took part in many settlement conferences and mediations ... including one where the evidence I found to refute the plaintiff's claims caused her to physically attack the mediator and run screaming from the building ... but that's another story, and I digress....

Succinctly, I cannot tell you what you should do; I can only impart a bit of knowledge, give some suggestions as to what you may want to consider ... and say that if you need legal advice to help you finalize earthly matters, or if there are intricate or difficult issues involved, then do consult an attorney. Most fees for most work in this area should be fairly nominal ... unless you have a really complicated family situation or a really huge estate or both ... and that fee may go a long way toward giving you and your family peace of mind, both now and after you are gone.

One final caveat: Except for three years in Denver, my paralegal work was done in the State of Texas, and it is the laws and statutes of Texas about which I am most knowledgeable. If you live in some other state, the things I say here may not be applicable ... or only partially applicable; nevertheless, there are many similarities in Family and Probate Codes of many states, and this may at least give you some questions to ask and thoughts to ponder ... and the impetus to check with an attorney where you reside.

I've known and/or seen many people over the years who procrastinate about making a Last Will and Testament. Some seem to think they have "plenty of time" ... others apparently think that by not making a Will they can somehow stave off the inevitable. As for "plenty of time" ... we just don't know. We may be "here today and gone tomorrow" as the old saying goes ... often with no warning. And as for "the inevitable" ... well, it is inevitable. Some people have said: "Gee, I don't really have much of an Estate to leave." I beg to differ ... particularly if you are wiped out by an Exxon/Mobil truck running a red light with a chronic (and previously convicted) drunk driver behind the wheel, or your hospital and/or doctor commits grievous malpractice resulting in your demise ... or some similar occurrence. Also, many of us have houses (even in the present market, most of them are probably worth something), cars, jewelry and other things of value. So....

It is not required that a Will be drawn by an attorney. You can hand write your own Will (called a holographic Will) ...

BUT: If you choose to use a holographic Will, it must be entirely handwritten; you cannot type it and simply sign it. A holographic Will does not require witnesses, and most attorneys advise against using a holographic Will ... some might say for self-serving and pecuniary considerations ... except as a last resort. Even though a holographic Will is legal and may be held valid, it can be problematic, and it is probably more efficacious to execute a Will which has been properly signed and notarized, with a self-proving clause. There are Will forms which can be obtained in most states (including Texas) that follow the preferred strictures for jurisdiction in your area.

BUT: If you prepare your own Will from a form (without an attorney), be sure to follow the Texas or other state statute(s) for the self-proving clause. In Texas, the self-proving clause must be signed by at least two witnesses over the age of 14 years, in your presence after they have watched you execute your Will and affirm the purposes therefor, and in the presence of a Notary Public for the State of Texas who has witnessed all signatures and the Testator's declarations. The Notary will then affix his/her Notary Seal to the document and record the signing in the mandatory Notary Book (which you and the witnesses must also sign). One of the reasons for the self-proving clause is that it obviates any problems if a witness dies before you do, cannot be located, or is otherwise unable or unwilling to testify should a disputed Probate action arise after your death.



Funerary statue at the Ming Tombs outside Beijing, China
Photograph by Yahn Smith (June 1986)

Major Caveat (regarding notarized documents in general): I would hope you all know this (and have followed it), but just in case.... I must point out that you should never, ever sign any document which requires notarization without the Notary being present to witness your signature. Under the laws of the State of Texas, a Notary is prohibited from notarizing any document that he/she does not see executed by the person signing it (with proper identification or personal knowledge of the person executing the document). Unfortunately there are a lot of insurance agents, bankers, mortgage lenders, and yes, attorneys who have no compunction about telling their clients to just go ahead and sign and the document can be notarized later. Also unfortunately there are Notaries who are only too willing to do what their "boss" says and don't insist that the person signing be present. There may be civil AND criminal penalties involved in such action(s) ... and your signature and/or the document may be held to be invalid, thwarting your intentions in making it in the first place. Several times throughout my paralegal career (and my service as a Notary Public for the State of Texas) I was requested to do this by attorneys I worked for ... who knew better ... and I always refused to do so unless I was present when the document was executed. Didn't make me popular with some attorneys ... but did make me sleep better....

Whether you hand write a holographic Will, or execute a Will in some other manner, you should designate an Executor ... someone you trust to carry out your wishes, and settle and distribute your Estate in a way that is most efficacious and economically beneficial to your heirs. It is helpful to also designate an Alternate Executor (or even two), in case the person you originally designate dies, or otherwise should "fail and/or refuse to act" when the time comes. A person's surviving spouse, or another member of the family, is frequently designated as Executor ... but this is not required.

Another really good reason for making a Will is this: A lot of people assume that when they die, their surviving spouse will automatically inherit everything. I cannot speak for some other states, but in Texas that is not necessarily so, and it has been so ruled in Probate case law. A person who dies intestate (without a Will) may have a claim laid against his/her estate by any surviving children and other relatives in accordance with the laws of descent and distribution. And while we would like to think that our loving children would never jeopardize the interests of the surviving spouse ... t'aint always so, nor should it be under some circumstances. Unfortunately I have learned (personally and professionally) that where there is a little money and/or property involved, nasty things can come out of the woodwork, at one of the worst times for any family....

Danger Danger Will (or Mrs.) Robinson: If you executed a Will many years ago, but have since divorced and remarried, BE SURE to change your Will if you intend your surviving spouse (and any children who may have been born or adopted as a result of that union) to benefit from your estate ... at least without potentially ugly, protracted and expensive legal battles. A divorce does not itself nullify the provisions of a Last Will and Testament ... only a superseding Will or codicil can do that with reasonable certainty ... and failure to take care of this "loose end" may also lead to expensive litigation which may diminish the value of your Estate.

Also: Please make certain that your life insurance is updated as to your chosen beneficiary. Even if you have a Will, if you die without having changed the insurance beneficiary from the former spouse to the current one (unless of course that is your intention), or to your child(ren), then the last person(s) named as beneficiary will likely be the one(s) to benefit from the insurance proceeds ... even if you haven't given them a thought in umpteen years and don't want them to inherit. The beneficiary designation is generally considered separately from the bequests in your Will, and insurance proceeds are usually not held to be part of your Estate unless the named beneficiary has predeceased you. Insurance companies are loath (for sufficient legal reasons and settled case law) to mess with beneficiary designations.

If you have a "blended" family (as many of us do) ... a second (or third) spouse and stepchildren ... and you want to make sure your stepchildren inherit a portion of your Estate, then please so state specifically in your Will, because they will not as a rule be considered your heirs-at-law. Of course you can adopt them, if you and they (and their natural parent if they are minors) are willing. (BTW ... it is possible, and easy, to adopt an adult ... but that is another can of worms, perhaps for another post).

HOWEVER: You may also want to incorporate a "Surviving Spouse" designation in your Will ... although sometimes, as the Wicked Witch said, "These things must be done dellll-i-cately." Briefly (I'll try): If you and your spouse have children from previous marriages and you (and/or your spouse) die intestate, then only the surviving spouse and any natural and/or legally adopted children will generally be considered as heirs to your Estate under the laws of descent and distribution. Non-adopted stepchildren may be considered to have no interest in or entitlement to any portion of your Estate. One area where this can become dicey is if you and your spouse both die in the same accident or occurrence, and it is difficult if not impossible to determine which of you died first. Then it may be left to the Court to rule ... and your children may be disinherited in favor of your spouse's children. You can have your Will drawn to say that in such event, "then Mary Jones shall be considered to have survived John Jones (or vice versa) and therefore shall be considered the surviving spouse" ... but be careful of the designation and make certain it is what you intend. It is helpful if you and your spouse can agree on this; otherwise expensive investigation and litigation may ensue ... and the bulk of your estate may end up in the hands of lawyers.

Defining "Spouse": Most of us think of a "spouse" as someone to whom we are legally and lawfully (and ceremonially) married. As always, the devil is in the details ... and in the terms "legally" and "lawfully." I don't want to scare anybody to death here, but there is probably something many don't know about "common-law" (a/k/a "informal") marriage in the State of Texas. It is verrrrry easssssy to be common-law married in Texas without even being aware of it. Believe me ... I worked on a couple of really interesting cases involving this, but won't bore you with the details now. If you have been living with someone for a period of time (and trust me, it doesn't have to be years), you may have done a couple of things that may trigger a legal finding of "common-law" or "informal" marriage. One of them is to have held yourselves out as man and wife; that is, introducing your partner as your wife or husband, or registering at a hotel as man and wife (Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, or whatever), even though you have not ceremonially married. Applying for credit together is another potential trigger. One basis for determining the validity of a common-law marriage may be something as simple as saying to others, "Oh, I consider us married" or "We just believe we are married (in the eyes of God, or whatever)."

[Sidebar: Texas is one of only nine states ... the others being Alabama, Colorado, Kansas, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Iowa, Montana and Oklahoma ... that recognize common-law, or informal, marriage. Please be aware that no longer living in a state where you may have (even unwittingly) entered into an informal marriage does not make that marriage null and void, and you may need to undertake divorce proceedings to extricate yourself from that union. In 1995, an "evidentiary presumption" was added to § 2.401 of the Texas Family Code to provide that "there was no marriage if no suit for proof of marriage is filed within two years of the date the parties separated and ceased living together." I do not know about the other states, but even with the "evidentiary presumption" this may be one of those "better safe than sorry" things as it is well-known by those who work in law that there is NO WAY of predicting what a Court, or a jury, may do in any individual case....]

This may be particularly significant to you if you are living with someone at the time you die. Despite any stated intentions of your Will, or any intention on your part not to enter into a marital arrangement, if your living partner is able to bring a successful suit to establish a common-law marriage under statute, then he or she may be entitled to a spousal portion of your Estate.

There is no such thing as "common law" divorce (as in Islam, where a divorce may be obtained by saying "I divorce you" four times), and you may be required to dissolve such a union just as if you had been ceremonially married. Of course if you were previously married (ceremonially OR under the criteria for a common-law marriage) but never bothered to get a divorce, then your present marriage may be deemed null and void ab initio (from the "git-go") because you did not have legal standing to enter into the second marriage, and any children born to the later union may be delegitimized. Also, if you were previously married but married again without troubling to get a divorce, that is also called bigamy ... and may incur civil and criminal penalties....

If you have any reason at all to think that you may have been common-law (or informally) married, I urge you to consult with a Family Law attorney to discuss the legal ramifications because numerous problems can result. Ignorance of the law is not bliss ... and may actually come back to bite you and your loved ones really badly....



Celtic cross in churchyard, County Tipperary, Ireland
Phorograph by Yahn Smith (June 2003)

If you don't have a Will, please do your spouse and/or child(ren) a favor and make one ... one that is likely hold up in Probate Court and will ensure that your directives and desires are followed. And, although such things may be difficult to discuss, try if possible to sit down with your children before you die and explain what your Will provides, and why such provisions are made. If you want to leave specific items to different children, this can be especially important, and can shortstop some hurt feelings down the road when Child A wonders why you left the family silver to Child B. I know that there can be some problems inherent in doing this ... you certainly don't want to spend your last years being chivvied by one or more children as to why he/she should get more than she/he. Nevertheless, if it is possible and you can do it with some degree of comfort, I believe it is the best way. As mentioned previously, from my personal experience, and from working in law for many years ... anytime there is a bit of money and/or property involved, people (some of whom you would least suspect) can get crazy ... and greedy.

One more thing: If you have pets ... please make certain there is someone ... a son or daughter, another relative, a friend ... who will be informed rather quickly if you die or become incapacitated, who is empowered to enter your premises and take care of your pets. It is ideal if you have already arranged with someone to take your pets and give them a loving home in such a case ... but if your friend or relative cannot or will not do this, then make sure that the person you designate will take the responsibility of finding your pets good homes ... or at least see that they are given to a no-kill animal shelter for (hopeful) future adoption.

There is much more to talk about and consider, gravely and legally speaking, about these later years of our lives ... so many fine points, so many hairs (and heirs) to split, so many little things that may ultimately loom large.... Among other things, there's another little Texas law that you might want to note. It involves "Homestead Rights" of a surviving spouse (and minor children, if applicable), who is entitled to, and may, continue to occupy the marital homestead until she/he dies, even if the deceased sole owner spouse wills or intends the house to pass to his/her child or children. But we'll save that for my next post.... this is growing to unmanageable proportions.

In the interim, if there is anything you might want to see addressed or discussed, please let me know and I'll do my best. If I don't know the answer, or the surmise, then even though I am retired, I am still deep in attorneys, some of whom remain friends many years from the time I worked with them.

One Final Thought (and perhaps a grim grin): Every time I have been near (or through) Amarillo, even since I was in high school, I have never failed to shake my head when I see an ad for "Boxwell Brothers" funeral home. Jeeeez! I understand it's an old family name ... but realllly....

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