Small Deaths ... Changes ... and Explosions....

The Looking Glass
by Jennifer Johnston

Artist's illustration of bright gamma-ray burst
Nasa Image from Wikipedia Commons, public domain

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't written for the blog in a while ... some may have been doing the happy dance about that (grin) ... some may not have given it a moment's thought. As it happens, there are many things going on in my life right now which are bringing me some melancholy, a little sadness, a little mourning, but overall a glorious sense of rebirth and just downright joy.

As I have previously opined, failure and/or refusal to change, to be open to change, to move through life's journey and phases and stages without a continually renewed sense of discovery and wonder, lead (I believe) to stagnation at worst, or at best to a self-satisfied complacency, which prevent further growth and development ... and I find that to be a truly sad thought.

Some hold that as one ages, one should slow down, and settle, and accept things as they are, without seeking (or tripping over sometimes) the new and different ... indeed without any desire for the new and different. But as was recently proved to me, I am still capable of surprise and wonder and awestruck delight about new ideas, new friends, new people, new or slightly altered philosophies.

One the greatest facilitators for growth and new knowledge I believe is the Internet in general, and social networking sites like Facebook and its ancillary applications (apps ... like Dog World and Vampire Wars), which have not only opened my world to reconnection and renewal of some relationships with people I knew long ago in Childress, but have given me a whole new outlook and perspective on a couple of particularly important and resonant ideas and considerations in connection with new friends and new branches in my path. And for the most part, I have been overwhelmingly delighted with my experiences in these venues.

Unfortunately along with all of the very, very good things there have been a few occurrences which have not been so pleasant or desirable. I have had to block a couple of people who seem to think that they have the right to invade my Profile page ... my FB home, if you will, my personal space and time ... and leave unwanted and unsolicited messages and Biblical quotations and condemnations because they disapprove of something I have said, or something I find fun, or exciting, or at least mildly amusing. And why these people think they have the right to do such a thing is beyond me. It is indicative of a small mind and intolerance for others, which I find repugnant and abhorrent in the extreme. But apparently such people don't get (still don't get) that I have the right to my opinions, as they have a right to theirs.

As I pointed out to one before I blocked him, I would never dream on going onto someone else's page (or into their home) and leaving screeds about my ideas of life, and if he disapproved of my comments, quizzes, etc. that popped up in his newsfeed, then he had the option of blocking me and/or my news feed ... and I asked him to please leave me alone. He didn't, and I blocked him ... and apparently from what I am told by another friend, he is still railing about me, even though he can't do so directly.

I mean really ... at one point when I was chatting about VW and commenting with some friends, this troglodyte actually told me that he didn't like what I was doing/saying, and that he was "personally offended by vampires" ... his words. As I told him: Dude, lighten up! Get a grip!! It's a game!!!! But apparently this failed to penetrate his thick, concrete, parochial skull ... and so I blocked him, and will continue to block anyone who demonstrates such insensitivity and intolerance.




Hubble Space Telescope image of Wolf-Rayet star WR 124 and nebula
Wolf-Rayet stars may be progenitors of long duration
NASA Imagem Wikipedia Commons, public domain

But for each retro-Neanderthal that one occasionally runs across, I have found three or four genuine treasures (which means at least around 10-12 or more people) with whom I have recently become very close friends, people who will be close to me from this time until I leave this particular existence (and at least one or two or more thereafter ... grin) ... and I am blessed, enriched, enlightened and indeed kvell to a degree that is sometimes absolutely staggering! And as always, I will choose life and love and growth over stasis and the status quo.

We don't all have to agree about everything ... indeed only a minuscule number of us will find a true meeting of the minds (and memories) and complete agreement and affinity with some mirror soul. But when that happens, it is a joy without measure, a sustaining and thrilling lift on this road we all travel ... and the people who come into our lives like this, particularly at this late stage, are valued all the more for gracing and blessing us with their presence and their essence!

I will always choose life and renewal ... glorying in that rebirth and discovery and expansion of consciousness that is so important, so vital, in my life. For those who are happy as they are, without change, that is your choice and your life ... but my life, this life, is mine to live as I see fit....

And this phoenix has risen from its last immolation and is spreading its wings to welcome the next burning, the next sun, the next catalyst, which will lead to even further growth and advancement.... I embrace the incandescent, white-hot fusion of all the elements ... air, earth, fire, water and aether ... and that explosion and regeneration with all the blinding brilliance and searing heat of a thousand suns! I choose life ... this life ... and the next life ... and the next....

Those who can't stand the heat should definitely stay out of the kitchen and away from the Big Bang!

C-est la vie, c'est l'amour ... c'est l'amour de vie ... eternal and ever-lasting.... Small death ... brave new life! Quelle surprise!!! Slow sweet smile ... and kvell kvell kvell....

)O(

A Message From Dr. Phil

A few days ago Jennifer received an email from a former classmate in the CHS Class of '63.  As most of us already know, Phil Tutor is/has been a pastor at a church in Arizona.  Additionally he works with a ministry in Africa and for all of these things and more we admire him very much.  At Phil's request we are posting his message.  It is important to us and to our blog to be able to once again hear the voices of our classmates and old friends.  The is one of the ways we have of reconnecting with old friends and getting to know one another as we are today.

By the way, please take note that we now have our own "Dr. Phil".  We offer our congratulations to Phil on receiving his Doctor of Ministry degree.  We look forward to hearing from him in the future, too.

Phil writes in his email:  Hey Jenn, hope this doesn't catch you off guard since I've been silent these last few months. Just been covered up with the transitioning of our church and bringing a young pastor up to step into the pastoral role which will allow me to do more traveling and church building in other part of the country. Will you please post this on the class blog. All checks can be made to: New Life City Church, Africa trip. Thanks. I'll catch up with you later. Blessings on you!  Phil  p.s. I finally got my Doctor of Ministry degree and will be sworn in as a chaplain for the Department of Public Safety next month. No retirement in sight!!!!! 

 A Message from Pastor Phil:

•  This past August 16th was my 65th birthday.  Historically in this country, 65 is retirement age, or as some call it, "the golden years."  A Canadian study defined "the golden years" as having good health, a meaningful life, and money.  God has been very gracious to me in the area of health, although I've had prostate cancer, (no recurrence in six years), stints in my heart (still clear after five years). and a motorcycle accident which cost thousands and left me with a leg full of steel.  But all in all, I am very healthy.
  

• Of course, as I mentioned in my sermon at Pastoral, Elder Page Hart's installation, I am far from done, nor am I considering retirement.  In fact, I am as fired up as ever about what the Lord is doing locally, and also in other national and international relationships.  As far as a meaningful life in the future, God is opening another season for me with greater opportunities than ever.  Let me explain with some detail.
  
  
• A few years ago I made a conscious decision to stop trying to be successful and focus on being significant.  Since that time along with my ministry at New Life City Church, doors of opportunity have opened in Rwanda and Burundi, Africa. I've made three trips in the last two years to these great nations, with incredible God sized results.  Not only have I led pastors' conferences, but have had doors opened to presidents, mayors, and political leaders.  I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me the opportunity to serve him anywhere he opens doors; of course, I cannot do this work alone.
  
  
• Although my health and a meaningful life are in place, as with most ministers in small churches, money is an issue( and especially in these financially trying times).  Since Rwanda and Burundi are third world countries, I travel at my own expense.  The cost for trips on average is $15,000.  This may seem like a great deal of money, but the cost is much more than for my travel, etc.  Most pastors in Africa, if not all, must work full time while they also pastor their respective churches.  For them to attend a conference, they must take off work.  Unlike in America, most Africans live day to day.  Thus, it is necessary for me to cover travel, food, housing, meeting facilities, sound systems, curriculum, etc.  But again the investment in the lives of these pastors and other leaders is immeasurable.  Everything I teach and preach gets preached and taught in cities and villages all over the region; this multiplies the word God has given me for His glory.
  
  
• I'm asking you to prayerfully consider sowing a sacrificial financial seed (money) into my next trip occurring October 11th through the 28th.  I really need you to partner with me, and frankly, time is of the essence, since the cost of international tickets is at an all time low.  As of today, the money has been pledged for the flights to Rwanda and Brundi, so by faith I'll be purchasing them by the first of September.  I am believing God for the balance.
   

    Phil Tutor, D.Min.

• P.S.  Remember your seed sown could change literally thousands of lives for the Kingdom of God.I am praying now for God's blessings as you pray and hopefully give.
  

New Life City Church
3754 S. Highway 191
PO Box 836
Safford, Arizona 85548

                                          To enlarge, click on the map.

Guilty and Not So Guilty Pleasures

Written by
Nicki Sooter Wilcoxson

Lately, I have been giving a lot of thought to things that I really enjoy doing--things that give me pleasure. Some of these things are not very good for me and are sometimes things that I could be spending my time in much more useful ways. However, at this point in my life, I have decided that good for me or not--it is okay and I might even say that I deserve to pamper myself or use my time in any way I like. Perhaps the key word is moderation. I think Jim adopted this attitude a long time ago and this allows him to play golf as much as he likes and be guilt free. He has even given in to moderation on some occasions and has been willing to take time out of his golfing to do home related chores or even give in to leaving his clubs at home on certain vacations and trips.

One of my most recent pleasures that I allow myself is to spend time relaxing in our backyard reading and sipping tea even when I have many many chores that I should be doing in the house. As with most things I find that I must have a rationale for such "irresponsible" behavior : ) and in this case my rationale is to allow my Chloe Cat to play outside safely in the yard without taking off for the neighbors or chasing her feline friends down the alley. She actually loves having me outside with her and will curl up beside me. When she gets bored and heads for the fence, we know that it is time to take a nap inside.

Naps are another guilty pleasure that can be enjoyed in moderation. These are often necessary after working out at the gym or working around the house for a couple of hours. My problem is that the naps can stretch out for more time than can be justified as guilt free. Of course, that just means that I can stay up later if I want to. The key is to work harder during awake times!

As I have said before another pleasure for me is watching television. Jim and I both spend way to much time on this activity. He adores the golf channel and no matter what is on, he enjoys watching it. For example he watches golf matches from ages and years ago as well as recent or current tournaments. I have tried to ban the paid commercials and programs about all the new golf gadgets and miracle working equipment because they have a tendency to end up in our garage at some point! He is already throwing out hints for a golf GPS "gadget" for Christmas. Many of his friends have them now. My only concern other than the high price is whether or not he can actually learn to use it. However, if he is truly motivated maybe he will put it to good use if Santa leaves it in his stocking.

I, on the other hand, have become addicted to watching the Real Housewives series. While I find them generally disgusting because of the total addiction to material things and over inflated egos, I just can not watch. You know that old cliche about knowing a train wreck is going to happen, but you just can't stop watching! That is exactly the case here. However, I can "enjoy" their antics, cringe at the foolish behavior, and remain totally amazed at the embarrassing behaviors that unfold each week. My favorite "real" housewives are the New York group"; my least favorite are the Atlanta "ladies" (actually not so lady like with wig pulling, cursing, and back stabbing), and I watch with little passion the Orange County group. The jury is still out on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. The first year was--well what can I say--it was "interesting" with "hissy" fits and table tossing. I am anxiously awaiting the time when we will see some Real Housewives of Dallas. That, in my opinion, would be a real hoot. By the way, Jim refuses to watch any of the shows and well, I just can't understand his attitude. Lol I'll bet he would be happy to watch the "Real Babes" on the golf tour. (Yes, they do exist)

Another of my pleasures that really has to be approached in moderation is eating frozen custard. For years I rejected the very idea of frozen custard, preferring the occasional ice cream and frozen yogurt. That was before a friend introduced Sheridan's Frozen Custard in Frisco and in Lubbock. Yuuuuummy stuff. Now I have found Freddy's frozen custard in various places including the one very close to my daughter's house in Flower Mound. I think Freddy's might actually be in Highland Village. I have introduced both grandsons to this guilty pleasure and they love it, too. Jim is right there with us! I can only pray that they both avoid Amarillo for a location! Moderation would probably go right out the window and straight to my hips and thighs!

One comment on a past guilty pleasure that we have discussed before. I have always really enjoyed "Dancing with the Stars," but I have to say I am not too excited about the new 16 "stars". I will give them a try, but..........time will tell after September 21.

Other guilty pleasures and not so guilty pleasures include pedicures, gourmet pizza (575 Pizzaria) in Amarillo, and lunch with friends.

Life is Good!!

Broken Links

Written by
Nicki Sooter Wilcoxson

Forty-one years ago in May of 1968 Jim, our little daughter Kim, and I moved to Amarillo from Lubbock where I had just graduated from Tech and completed my first half year teaching in what was at that time Cooper Rural School. We arrived in Amarillo for a new job for Jim and just in time for our new daughter, Jami, to be born in October. I don't know if we ever considered the idea that we would still be living in Amarillo 41 years later with only a short stay in Booker so Jim could coach basketball for the first time in high school. Before coming to Amarillo, we had spent four years in Lubbock as Tech students. So many of our high school friends had made their way to Tech and during those four years our friendship base had not changed radically. But as 1967 loomed closer, it was obvious that most if not all of us were forging paths that had already begun to take us away from our old friends. Many of us married, had children, got new jobs, quit school, joined the military, and some even returned to Childress. I am sure that somewhere in the back of our minds we just knew that we would all remain friends and be linked through friendship forever. I don't believe that even once it occurred to any of us that we might never see one another again. After all, we would always have Childress!!

In Amarillo, Jim and I soon found ourselves enmeshed with a group of people whose link to friendship depended on the fact that all of our men/husbands were a part of the world of golf as golf shop professionals, assistant pros, or just dedicated golfers. Most were young married couples with 2 or 3 small children so the wives shared the loneliness of being married to men who through their golf course jobs had to work until dark most nights, weekends, and holidays. We depended on one another for friendship, play dates and joined together to share meals with one another and our husbands. One Thanksgiving we even had a wonderful potluck meal for all of us who were trapped at the golf courses on the holiday. One of the couples was a bit older than the rest of us and we depended on them to lead the way. I remember this as being a turbulent time with lots of problems, growing pains, and learning experiences. However, the friendships were dear to us. After a few years some of the guys got new jobs and some left for the greener pastures of California and San Antonio. The children started school, pre-school and some of the wives including myself began working outside the home. My long years of teaching had begun. Finally only Jim and one of our other friends were left in the golfing profession--this time as a golf course superintendent with long, long hours and the stress of keeping a golf course in great shape and alive. Finally it took one final tragic and violent act to catapult all of us into a time of grief and disbelief over the loss of a friend to truly sever the ties of friendship and the knowledge that nothing would ever be the same for any of us as friends who had perhaps not shared enough with one another.

The next stage of life was a wonderful time for friends. Our girls were growing up and soon they were competing with one another on Kid's Inc teams. Jim began his coaching of these little girls choosing basketball while other dad's coached track, softball, and later volleyball. Of course our friendship base expanded, taking in the parents of both girls while year after year we cheered and supported the teams. When they were older and they played on school teams, we watched them growing up and we sat with the other parents with whom we shared the support and love of all the girls. We traveled to out of town games, laughed, cried, and cheered for our girls. During this time Jim and three other parents introduced Little Dribblers to Amarillo and as a result the foundation for our friendships grew and expanded for more years. Because Kim no longer played sports after entering high school her friendships extended to more girls and we met their parents and became friends with the common interest of our daughters and their activities. Keeping an eye on this bunch was a challenge and it is true that it probably does take a village to make it work! It seemed that we were in touch with so many people, and it is true that our friends were mostly linked through the networks of our children.

In the next stage life happened. The girls grew up, went away to school, and got married. During high school, only a few were left in sports, others branched out into new activities, and we began to see parents less often. Jim went back to school to finish his degree and get his teacher's certificate. He became busy with his own teams and actually earned money. Soon his friendship base consisted of other coaches, co-workers, and a few old friends from the past who continued to follow his career. Friendship between the coaches' wives developed as well.

I loved the teachers I worked with in the schools where I taught and became friends with many of these special people. Over the years, friends moved away, changed schools, and I believe it became a case of out of sight and out of mind. There are still dear friends, but we have to work hard to make time to get together even if it is a quick lunch. Retirement and grandchildren have added a new dimension to our priorities and though no less important friends sometimes have to take a backseat to family and time. Did we ever believe that so many of our friends would be relegated to short visits in the grocery store or in the mall or even at the funeral of another friend.?

Perhaps trying to reconnect with our high school friends and other old friends has become more important to us now that we know that time is not on our side any longer. It is sort of like now or never if we want to see old friends again. Mending those broken links is difficult and it takes a lot of work. At times it is questionable if it is worth the effort and at other times something calls out to us that we must reconnect. Does that help to explain why Twitter and Facebook are so popular even at the most inconsequential level?

Think of a link as something that leads or connects us to each friend.
How many of broken links do we need to mend or add to reach lost friends?
Is it worth the effort?
That is the question that each of us has to ask.

The final thought: This post began as a reflection of connecting and reconnecting with old friends. However, I soon found myself reflecting on the various friends that Jim and I had shared at the different stages of our life. I strongly believe that many of our experiences mirror to some degree the lives of many of the blog readers. It is amazing how many of our old friends who are no longer in our lives come into my mind and I can clearly see and remember old times. Sadly, I know I will probably never see them again and yet we were blessed to have them as part of shared past experiences. The dear friend that we lost so tragically in our golf world era was a young mother of three children who so tragically and unexpectedly took her own life. Today we know that in all probability she suffered from post-partum depression which had not been identified in the world of the 1960's at least in our lives. None of us ever totally recovered from the horror of the event, but she remains in my heart and in my mind forever.